Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
tell me about the fingering
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
