Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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