the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
