You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
