so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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