Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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