U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
