Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
