hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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