yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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