today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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