idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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