You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will pee on everything he values.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
