so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
