don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
