Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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