I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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