Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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