I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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