i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
