sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
