i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
