Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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