Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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