Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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