my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
