I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
