Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
