Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
