this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
