my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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