If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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