I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
