I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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