Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
