so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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