Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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