you guys were way drunker than both of me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
