We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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