I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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