my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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