All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
