My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
what the fuck happened to the tacos
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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