I'm drive I can fine osifer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
worst night to have a conscience
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
