If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
