I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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