When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
