Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
as a side note pls kill me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
