I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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