How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Still dying that you shit outside
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
