So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We are two peas in an std pod
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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