get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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