I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
