Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
being pregnant is like rehab
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
