Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
